Personal blog

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i hate talking about this because it sounds really silly but i stopped using certain apps because of past abuse? like my main communication with my ex girlfriend was over kik so whenever i tried to message someone on kik after we broke up it was just. a bad feeling. like i felt not safe and skeeved out idk 

my mom made a joke tonight about some guys last name sounding like the r slur and i didnt laugh so she asked if i heard and i said i did bu t it wasnt funny and instead of realizing her mistake she got pissed at me for being snotty or something 

how to fucking torture yourself: look up binders online and think about how you can’t have one because they’re expensive and your parents don’t think you’re serious about being trans

when i first came out my mom asked “do you like? want a sex change or something?” and i said no because like. that term just sounds really awful and makes the whole transition process sound so terrible but i shouldnt have said that because maybe if i had said yes she would have listened to me more and actually cared. 

im thinking of passive aggressively buying a baby card that says “its a boy” on it and putting it on my mom’s desk thats a terrible idea and would get me yelled at and shoved further into the closet but im so fucking sick of her pretending i never came out and denying that im trans. 

parents never wanna admit their kid is anything but straight/cis/nt and they won’t listen to their kid when the kid tells them that. nice. 

im so fucking sick of my parents picking up on my clearly neurodivergent habits and traits but interpreting them as me being purposefully annoying/rude and trying to tell me that i will be viewed as a weirdo and an ill mannered freak if i don’t correct my habits right now

ah yes yelling at your children when their speech patterns irritate you and the laughing at them and saying they have no right to be pissed when they get frustrated because they can’t change their speech patterns is just wonderful parenting thank you very mcuh

i saw a video earlier that was a fairly normal video except someone had edited in some really deep voice saying “kill the witch” at random intrevals and i had to watch it like three times to tell if i was just hallucinating it or it had actually ahppened. fun with mental illness

terrible things: remembering instances where yr parents hit you that you had forgotten about and wanting to die